Kentucky Sports Radio
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
[Moderated by Matt Jones]
Look, we all know that you hate Joakim Noah. You hated him when he and his long hair were at Florida, beating UK too often and looking too ridiculous with that hair and silly moustache. You hated him when he got drafted and that had that awful hair and dumb grin. And you hate him now, as seen by his Final Four appearance in the Haters Ball Tournament here on KSR. But did you know that others hate him too…even those with no connection to KSR?’
Bill Simmons (who deserves his own column due to my love-hate relationship with a guy who basically was the spiritual mentor for the site but drives me nuts in his recent columns) shows us that there are fans of other teams who have taken up the Noah hate:
There’s hate and there’s sports hate. Real hate is not OK. Sports hate is OK. We are fans. We are allowed to “love” certain athletes and “hate” others. It doesn’t mean we actually love them or hate them. So under that umbrella, I present you with the following statement: I hate Joakim Noah. I hate looking at him. I hate his hair. I hate how he dunks. I hate the way he high-fives. I hate every reaction he has. I hate his game. I hate the way announcers pronounce his name. I hate the story that I’ve heard a million times about his tennis-playing father.
I want the Celtics to win for a variety of reasons, but one of them is because it means Joakim Noah would lose. I want him to cry when it’s over. And we are only two games in. I can’t imagine how I’m going to feel about him by Game 5. He’s like a cross between Bill Laimbeer, Marcus Camby and Lisa Bonet. Near the end of Game 2, he wandered over to the Boston bench after a whistle and lingered there pretending to be disappointed about a call — breaking the NBA code of “don’t hang out for too long near someone’s bench,” because, you know, he’s a complete jerk that way — and I was screaming at Kevin Garnett (on my TV), “PUNCH HIM! PUNCH HIM! DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS! YOU’RE NOT PLAYING ANYWAY! PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!!!” I hate Joakim Noah. I hate him.
Little does he know, but I already exacted my revenge on him a few months ago, when I took my daughter to a Clippers-Bulls game. She was entranced by Noah’s hair for some reason and asked me in all seriousness, “Is that a girl?” I thought it would be funny to convince her that, yes, Joakim Noah was a girl. She didn’t fully believe me for about a quarter. By the end of the game, Noah was her favorite player and she was excited that girls could play in the NBA. We came home and she said, “Mommy, we saw a girl play at the Clippers game!” My wife thought it was evil that I did this. She made me feel bad. Now I feel happy. I love that it happened. Just retelling the story makes me happy. I hate Joakim Noah.
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Bill Keightley Report : Never to be forgotten.
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April 24th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Just emailed this to my son, we both agree Good stuff.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Loved Rondo’s foul, just not hard enough.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:38 am
All of the Celtics nation now hate Noah… http://twitter.com/RedsArmy and I have been talking trash about him on twitter.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:39 am
:prints post, gets in tatooed on back:
April 24th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Oops forgot to add the link that started our convo - http://redsarmy.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/new-public-enemy-1/
April 24th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Lisa Bonet hahahahhahaahaha
April 24th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Oh Bill, you card!
April 24th, 2009 at 10:41 am
That post just made my Friday!
April 24th, 2009 at 10:52 am
That might be the single-most awesomest piece of sports journalism ever written!
April 24th, 2009 at 10:56 am
That was beautiful. Feel free to join me in the “Joakim Noah is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen” Facebook group also.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
i guess it was just matter of time that our hate for noah would spread throughout the country. and i’m so glad it did.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I love how you left off this part:
“(Of course, if he played for the Celtics, I’d love him.)”
April 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
he forgot to mention how it’s common knowledge on UF’s campus that the kid’s got a 4 1/2 inch winky
April 24th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Wee Willy Winky?
April 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
If Carrot Top were a basketball player…
April 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I use to love the bulls now i cannot stand them, just because of him. didn’t his teamates boot him off the team for a week last year?
April 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
that is one fugly mofo
April 24th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I hate to dog anyone, but seriously Noah sucks more than anyone in the history of the world!
April 24th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I have never had a problem with him but I can understand why many do.
April 24th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Great story. Not to be that “one up” guy but here is my “I hate Joakim” story.
The following story is true, the names are not changed to not protect the ugly.
Many have graced the seats in rupp arena with fewer gracing the bench and even fewer wearing the fur. Im talking about the wildcat mascot. I had the privilege of becoming my alter ego for a few years while attended UK and here was my experience at the UF game my Sr. year.
Obviously I love to entertain, and if I can prank someone while entertaining others I’m in heaven. During warm ups of the 2006 UF home game a Florida ball rimmed out and bounced right to me (wildcat), being a good sport I picked it up and when to personally deliver it to JN. In typical wildcat fashion I strutted over to him. With and arms stretched out in a non threatening manner I reached to give him the ball. The unsuspecting Noah, with that nasty smirk on his face, reached out to accept. Being that I HATE JN I couldn’t just let him off that easy. So, just before his freakishly long fingers touched the ball… I dropped it, let it bounce ounce, then kicked it across court. He didn’t find it as funny as Tubbys staff.
But the story doesn’t end there. After Noah swatted at one of our girl cheerleaders i was inspired to make this game one he wouldn’t soon forget. Many of you have seen the huge mascot “TUCKY”. The ever mysterious inflatable cat. Well, right before half time an evil idea fell upon me like manna from the good Lord. Here is how it went down.
Right before half I ran back to change into TUCKY whom, when standing still, looks a lot like one of those yard inflatables. So, I got in the suit and stood PERFECTLY still in the hallway leading to UF’s locker rooom. The buzzer sounds and here comes the team. Anxiously I await Joakim. Billy was the first to pass, then some of the coaching staff, the bench warmers,Corey Brewer, the rest of the team… nobody suspected a thing… and finally. here he comes, the jerk himself, the bell of the ball playing chatty Cathy with one of the assistants. He had no idea what was coming. Sizing my pray, standing perfectly still I waited until they both were within striking distance. Ounce within range TUCKY exploded to life with a echoing roar jumping out and making full body contact with Noah. With a matching scream Joakim tripped on his own feet, fell into the wall while instantly shielding his face with towel in hand. At this moment I broke the vow of silence as a mascot and began to laugh uncontrollably. Again, he didn’t find it as funny as Tubbys staff. in typical Joakim fashion, he stood up, threw a right hook, missed, and started to drop F bombs like little Ralphie from “A Christmas Story”. With the coach holding him back and dragging him to the locker room Joakim told me of the score and how bad we were that year, how my moms current condition was and my sexual preference from his prospective. This is all while I continue to laugh, obnoxiously loud, to egg him on of course.
Now, the only regret I have is that I didn’t video this. So, I thought I would try it again with a hidden cam and the center for Georgia… he didn’t miss.
https://tkmckamy.com/blog
April 24th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
sorry… link here http://tkmckamy.com/blog
April 24th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
great article…I feel the exact same way. He needs an embarassing nickname.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I hate Noah so much! I probably wouldn`t hate him so bad if he didn`t disrespect UK the way he did by calling us the kitty cats and by directing the gator chomp towards the cats fans at Rupp after he scored. I just hate him!
April 24th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I still hate Christian Laettner more.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Can we not get any more posts up on front page so we can get this ugly pic off of it????? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 24th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
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