Kentucky Sports Radio

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Welcome to 93.9 The Jurich


We were all saddened to hear Tuesday that all the good, decent people at 93.9 The Ticket (and Matt Jones too) were no longer going to be gracing us with their hot sports opinions on a daily basis because Cumulus decided to change the format and use that frequency to pump out oldies. There are a lot of reports online that a certain athletic director who will remain nameless (does “overmarket, underperform” ring a bell?) had a major hand in the jobbing of everyone at The Ticket, but I’m not really sure. What I do know is that yesterday, I went to go help Matt Jones clean out his desk and stumbled across a transcript of the first few moments of the new station. Ladies and gentleman, take a step with me into the future. And that future is “93.9 The Jurich”.

“It might be the past to you, but it’s all I’ve got”

Jurich:  Heeeeey there all you cool cats, it’s a new day here in the Ville and we ran all the squares out of the studio.  Now, Big Daddy J is here to crank all the hits that will make you shiver by the river and rock your sock hop until Mom and Dad make you stop.  But, let’s slow it down a bit first and be thankful for this beautiful new start in the City of the Bird.

(Music plays)

Ahhhh, it is a wonderful world, isn’t it kids?  By the way, did you know U of L went to an Orange Bowl two years ago?  Yes, wonderful it is.  Ok, let’s take our first request.  Steve in Shiveley, what’s buzzin’?

Steve in Shiveley:  Tom, don’t you think it’s time to fire Kragth….(disconnected)

Jurich:  Oh, Steve.  Sorry Daddy-o.  Sounds like your cell phone is bad.  Sorry, baby.  But, Steve, I didn’t like where that was heading.  This one’s for you.

(music plays) 

(Leans away from mic and shouts)

Find out where that mother f*#$&r lives and send Masiello over to rough him up.  Pssht.  Fire Kraghtorpe.  (chuckles)

(song ends)

Jurich:  Ahh, the smooth, feel-good sound of The King always gets my heart-thumpin and my toe-a-tappin’.  Did you know I’m The King of this city?  I am.  Ok, let’s kick it on over the the request line again.  Chris in Prospect, give me something cool, baby.

Chris in Prospect:  If Kragthorpe continues…

Jurich:  Shhhhhh, hehhhhhhh, shhhhhhh…Chris? You’re breaking up.

Chris in Prospect:  I’m right here.  I can hear you fine.  What I was saying is, if Kragthorpe doesn’t improve…

Jurich:  Hehhhhhh, ahhhhhh….(click)….Chris, bad reception, my man.  But I think I heard you say that you can’t wait for this weekend when Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium is rockin’.  I’ve got just what you need.

(music plays) 

(Leans away from mic and shouts)

What the f*#k is going on right now?  Find out where that a**hole works and have him fired. 

(song ends)

Jurich:  Oh, what a song, what a song.  I just can’t wait until we b-b-b-b-blow the doors off of another Big East team on Saturday.  Mike in Okolona, what song will get shakin’ away the problems of the day?

Mike in Okalona:  Hello, Tom, can you hear me?

Jurich:  Go ahead, Mike, you’re on with Big Daddy J.

Mike in Okalona:  Tom, I was just calling to say that Louisville never even plays football on Saturdays.  The schedule crappy gam….(click).

Jurich:  Can I play The Righteous Brothers?  Is Danny Zuko as cool as ice?  Of course I’ll play The Righteous Brothers!  This one’s for you, Mike in Okolona

(music plays)

(leans back and shouts)

Listen, I mean this.  If I get one more mother f*&#king call about Kragthorpe, everyone in this room will lose that working feeling.  I mean it.  You’ll all be blogging for free by tomorrow.  You want to keep working in radio?  Don’t f*&k with The Jurich.

(music ends)

Jurich: Do I have to talk or can I just keep shimmyin’ and shakin’ over here?  It just feels so good to get down in the city that loves me.  Did you know we went to an Orange Bowl two years ago?  We did.  Sherry in St. Matthews, you’re the first lady on the line tonight, what can I do to make you my sweetheart?

Sherry in St. Matthews:  Hi Tom.  I’m a football season ticket holder at U of L and I thought we were great with Bush and Brohm.

Jurich:  You’re right, we were.

Sherry in St. Matthews:  But, Kragthorpe seems…

(Jurich turns up music)

Sherry in St. Matthews:  Tom, are you there?

Jurich:  Sherry, turn down your radio, babe.

Sherry in St. Matthews:  It’s not on.  Are you trying to drown me out?  All I was…(click)

Jurich:  Oh, too bad.  Sorry, Sherry.  Remember, kids, you have to turn down your radio when you call.  But, Sherry, you’ll always be my girl.

(music plays)

(leans back and shouts)

Ok, I get it.  You want to test The Jurich.  I know you think I’m some arrogant jerk so I’m giving you a pass to prove that I’m not.  One more time and I’m coming after every single one of you mother f*&kers and blindsiding you harder than Dumervil.

(music ends)

Jurich:  What a song.  Melts my heart every time.  It makes me think about all the special people in my life.  Like..um…well me.  I’m one in a million, Louisville.  Don’t forget it.  Ok, back to the request line because your musical groove is all that’s on my mind.  Jerry in downtown, what’ll do you right this evening?

Jerry in downtown:  Hey Tom, I have to say, I really love what you’re doing with the station.

Jurich:  Thanks, Jerry.  I’m usually very successful early on.

Jerry in downtown:  And, well…um…(deep breath)…stevekragthorpesucks! (click)

(loud crashing and slamming as Jurich attacks producers, interns and other possible Kragthorpe haters)

————

Well, that’s about as far as I got on the transcript, but it seems like things might be ok.  This new oldies format might just work out pretty well.  And, while I’ll miss hearing Matt and having my pointless Saved By The Bell and Ethan Hawke-Uma Thurman text messages read on the air, I might just give this station a shot.  Maybe you should do the same.

Oh yeah, anyone have a pen?  I want to add “Louisville” to the list of cities where I’ll never be able to get a “real” media job.  Thanks.

Article written by Thomas Beisner

48 responses to “Welcome to 93.9 The Jurich”

  1. jman3715

    Just turned on the station a few minutes ago and they were playing some Judy Garland song from who knows when. Wow, the money’s gonna start pouring in now!

  2. moeron99

    lame

  3. deuceinyoeye

    i like

  4. gossie21

    Good call. Any chance Matt and the gang surface on some other radio frequency in Louisville. Surely there must be some market for sports talk radio in that town. I really thought the programming on that station was very good. It’s too bad that the Cumulus people allowed themselves to get bullied by Jurich.

  5. Evan Hilbert

    Typically, I think Beisner sucks as much as the next guy. In fact, I typically think he sucks more than everyone.

    But this post is awesome.

  6. Matt Jones

    That was brilliant

  7. IkeDaddyUK

    Pretty good, Beisner. I can tell you spent fifteen minutes prepping this.

  8. SlickRick48

    That post made me feel good about working in the banking industry!

  9. drdrizze

    93.9 The Douche!

    Continuous Classic Jammies for the Metro Confer- er.. Area

    Breaking a New Wind in Broadcast Radio.

  10. Bryan the Intern

    Well done Beisner, this would be even more funny if it didnt have a bit of truth to it

  11. nybrasky

    Classic. Good follow-up to BTI’s rant.

  12. gman

    Now you have a chance to find something even better!

  13. Azubuikebicep

    Really missed the freak show on the drive home yesterday.

  14. Mosley

    If I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard a Treniers song…I’d have one quarter.

    Well played, Beisner, well played.

  15. Chris_Tomlin

    Nice stuff, Beisner.

    “I always listen to 93.9 The Jurich! The hottest hits in town!”

    Do I win something for saying that? What about this sticker on my car? Anything?

  16. Matt Jones

    This blog is a “real” media job in the minds of everyone that matters….aka my mom, Woo, a 19 year old girl that goes to Bellarmine and Josh Harrellson

  17. KillaB007

    Jurich: Ohh and next caller….. Hink, Hink are you there???

    Hink: LOUISVILLE SUCKS TOMMY!

    (click)

  18. Tom from Louisville

    I like the new Format!

  19. SagaciousMind

    People need to go to aseablue.com and read the bright spots from the north carolina game. It really screams that if UK didnt have so many damn turnovers, they very well could have won that game.

  20. -H A Z E L S M A C K-

    TB, BEST POST EVER!

  21. The King

    So…… I’m guessing you guys might not be getting anymore U of L press passes, lol

  22. Matt Jones

    And if not for the bombs, the day at Pearl Harbor wasnt bad either….

    I know people want to find positives….but after ten minutes, the game was over. We were never again within 13 points…..I am sorry but what happened after is not much of a basis for anything, except wishful thinking.

    What I hope is that we hit a gigantic reset and show up on Saturday.

  23. Blue_Lawlz

    You know this asshole is sitting back laughing about all of this, but we get the last laugh because Louisville absolutely SUCKS now. Haha!

    Can’t keep a good man down, so I’m sure everyone not Matt will be fine!

    I kid, I kid.

  24. gossie21

    Bob Valvano evidently doesn’t think that Jurich had anything to do with the format change. Maybe he’s right, but I would prefer to think it was just Jurich being a snake. That is more fun than blaming it on economics.

    http://www.bobandwillshow.com/some-parting-thoughts.html

  25. asdfasdf

    Actually we got within 11 in the second.

    Tommy Jurich sound an awful lot like Wolfman Jack. I love xm sirius lol

  26. RichieFarmer'sMustache
  27. RichieFarmer'sMustache

    oops…how’d that get there?

  28. Matt Jones

    I like Bob Valvano and he may be correct….but he also is the Louisville television play by play guy, picked and hired by Tom Jurich. Enough said

  29. IkeDaddyUK

    23–You are seriously going to compare the game to Pearl Harbor. Wow. There’s a better way of saying something was unacceptable. For all your cautious optimism before the season, you must have seen how bad the flip side could be. Unfortunately, that’s where we are.

  30. gossie21

    31) pay closer attention.

    Matt) Like I said I prefer to think it was Jurich anyways, That guy is a snake. Any chance Demling or Bozich will call him on it or is that bridge better left unburned by the traditional media types?

  31. flysoup

    How do I become a Professional Comment Leaver for a blog? Is that a “real” media job?

  32. KYERIC

    sheeyaht! Possibly the best post ever on this blog. Very, very well written.

    Watch out, guys, Jurich may have some say at WordPress and shut you guys down again.

  33. bilhelm

    Can we get Boone’s Meat Mart to sponsor some 93.9 the Jurich bumper stickers?

    I’ll buy that for $1.00

  34. WAMPUSCAT

    this really does suck, i listened to the ticket every day. i have called and griped two times already

  35. cuteasskat

    The new station is total garbage…. Hopefully there is some sort of alternative in the works ?? Please say this is not the end to decent sports talk radio in this town! I cant fathom listening to that other “sports station” .. Ahhhh!

  36. IkeDaddyUK

    32–I think I paid close enough attention to his comment. Trying to say people can find a bright side to anything if they choose to eliminate things is fine, just don’t compare an event where hundreds of people died horrifically to a basketball game. I don’t care how much of a fan you are, there’s nothing right about that.

  37. gossie21

    38) That’s where I think you miss the point. He didn’t compare Pearl Harbor to anything. He compared the line of reasoning, or used parallel reasoning to make a point. That is not the same thing as saying turnovers against UNC were as bad as the bombs at Pearl Harbor. If you think I am wrong please quote where Matt compared UK basketball to people dying horrifically.

  38. IkeDaddyUK

    38–I completely understood the point, I just am saying he could have chosen a different and less harsh example, e.g. “Yes, and Louisville wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t wear their hats askew, have Old English ‘L’ tattoos and pencil thin chin beards.” Regardless of intent, I think any reference of some event like that to sports (such as Saban’s 9/11 comment last year) is poor. That was MY point, which I clearly failed to explain properly.

  39. IkeDaddyUK

    39–You know 40 was meant for you, right? Damn I suck at this.

  40. RichieFarmer'sMustache

    “Lighten up Francis”

  41. NewWildcatOrder

    Great post.

  42. EyewearMan

    18 – That was CLASSIC! I could even hear HINK saying that as you wrote it!

    Really not sure where Tom Jurich is involved in this whole thing, but does this mean that Scott P won’t be on TV in the morning also??? Bummer….

  43. Clandestine

    “Listen, I mean this. If I get one more mother f*&#king call about Kragthorpe, everyone in this room will lose that working feeling.”

    Well played Beisner… well played…

  44. BigBroJames

    TJ is a piece dingleberry hanging onto my asshair.

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    By the way, posts like these is the reason why I hide behind TFGM pseudonym.

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